I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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