well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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