you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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