if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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