I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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