He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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