Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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