First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The struggles of a small town man whore
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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