he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
