Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
