She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
