Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
