Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
