I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had to cum in my sink.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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