He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
