I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love having hate sex.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
