Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
