I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
