Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
