Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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