I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
