We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
