What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize