I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
