i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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