No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
