I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
