I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
