so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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