I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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