"it" just moved
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
