Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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