Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
