being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
