We're like a lot better than the average bears
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
