FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There are leaves in my underwear?
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