yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
