Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
