Screwed.edu
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
