im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
