the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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