I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
