I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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