dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
