I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
