it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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