I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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