Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
