There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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