On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
