Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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