Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize