She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's like heaven, but drunker
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
