oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
