fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize