ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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