TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
