She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
