I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize