If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
