Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
