If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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