PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
