life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
