He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
