so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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