Can Purell be used as lube?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
