YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
