turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
