Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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