Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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